Work takes a lot of time in our lives. Depending on what work we are fulfilling, we are working more or less with other people. The people we are working with are for many people the main social contacts in our modern world. But is it healthy to have many social contacts at work?
Well, I do not know whether it is important to have many good friends at work, but I know that it is very important for a long life to have good social contacts that you can trust and love. Are friends at work real friends? Can they be real friends? I think that it is not possible to be real friends when you are at work. Why? Because you are at the same time in a position of commands. Friends never command. They only give advice, but should never command.
Are you having contact with your family? Many people do not have much or no contact to their family at all. Do you know that there are studies with results that show it does not matter whether you have contact to your biological family or not, because the genetics will tighten you to your family? Studies with twins showed that twins who grow up separated will be a lot closer in the acting than twins who grow up together. For example separated twins married twins or called their son the same name, etc. Therefore being in contact with your family helps you to become a person that is less influenced by your family than having no contact to your family. I am not sure why it is like this, but I think it is logic. The genetics will express the experiences your family has successfully used during past times when you are not in contact with your family and when you are close to your family these tools are needed less, because the exchange with the people related to your the genetics do not need to express themselves to survive and can adjust to the current situation.
These studies show how important the contact to your family is. Family means to be able to live in a ‘safe’ environment, because family also means to be surrounded by people who think the way you do and will accept and support you. Of course there will be arguments as in every family, but your family will accept the decision you take. Depending which genetics you inherit, you will chose the people of your family that best fit to you and your way of thinking. That might mean that subjects concerning your relationship you will discuss with your mum and subjects concerning your career you might talk to your uncle, the brother of your father.
Above I mentioned the work environment and a few days ago I had a nice experience how work relationships can be destroyed very easily and quickly. I am working in a project with unemployed people. That means that we always communicate with an unemployment centre as they are your contracting body. We try to work on a basic of trust and of a good relationship. Now they decided to test our project. We prepared as well as possible but of course forgot something. That is not the real problem. What made us feel bad is that we were treated like subordinates of the job centre. They even wanted to tell us how we have to record our work even though we kept tight to the concept. The test was no routine, but initiated by someone and we had the impression they intended to take the project away from us and were desperately searching for mistakes. We are sorry to say that this did not work out, because our work was done too well. But…
You will guess that this kind of behaviour will have consequences in the communication in the future. The supervisor of our subsidiary has decided that there will be no emails of argumentation anymore, because the project leaders of the job centre are sending strange emails regularly. Now the project leaders will have to come around on a weekly basis to discuss such subjects in person. Often they send us emails in which they are telling us we did a mistake and later we can tell them when we informed them and that we worked it out the way it was decided earlier. Not to mention that the employee leading the project on the contractor’s site has no trust in the project leaders of the job centre anymore. I am sure it will lead to a lot more stress in communication, but the supervisor of the subsidiary will search for ways to get control of the project again. At the moment they give us the feeling they are the parents and we are their children who have to obey.
The unstable trust which was built up is destroyed just by one day and will never be the same in the future. Therefore think twice before you call a friend. In our case we would never called these people friends.
The best in such situations is to forget the past and to create the future. That is what we have started with the decision to change the way of communication. For more information about that subject watch the video Forget the past, create the future.